I made a savings goal today—one I made several months ago and promptly unmade five minutes later by putting down the bond on this house and then immediately buying Malaysia tickets. This goal was pretty arbitrary and isn’t really enough to do anything but get me a couple months expenses if, heaven forbid, I was to lose my job, but it’s still pretty meaningful to me and I’m secretly quite proud of myself for doing it. I got a miniscule raise and am giddily saving that too, patting myself on the back the whole time, congratulating myself for being such a stand-up citizen.
I also had lunch with a friend today—she’s about my age except she looks five years younger and has a sixteen year old kid. We were just catching up since we hadn’t seen each other before Christmas, talking about good times and hard times and everything in between. I guess I was telling her about making my savings goal and how excited I was, when I just kind of went, “Yeah, but there isn’t any grand scheme to this. I don’t have any real goals or anything.”
I don’t want to buy a house. I don’t want to get married or have children. I do not want to be a millionaire. The last thing that resembled any sort of purpose was my desire to get residency in NZ and—incredibly, as in sometimes I literally still cannot believe it—I did that. And…that’s all.
I’ve tried to make, like, lists and stuff, but it never takes. I can never take it very seriously, and I always end up stretching for things that seem like they should go on a life list. (“Uh…eat a thousand strawberries? Be in eight hundred rock bands? Get a million massages?”) I basically have things I like to do (Read. Dance. Sit on the couch and drink tea and eat biscuits with friends.), and ways I like to live (With control. With empathy. With interest and curiosity.), and ways I like to behave (Kindly. Ethically. Ridiculously.), but it seems like cheating to write down a list of habits you intend to keep. Is it enough to have the main purpose of your life to just…sort of be as awesome as you can be? To do what you like to do and be with whom you want to be with and just sort of keep going? As much as you can?
I think I was always like this, though. I have what you might categorize as a robust fantasy life but I was never one for what-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up, pragmatic as I am. I never thought about it much—weirdly, not even when I was in school, even then though I did make sort of goal-oriented decisions: I was focused on getting into college and graduating college and then getting a job and then getting into grad school and then graduating from grad school and then getting a job and so on and so forth, over and over again. The way you do, if you have the privileges I have. I thought, I guess, that things would just happen to me—and it turns out I was right about that.
I am almost thirty-six years old and my basic plan for the rest of my life is for things to just keep happening.
Comments
7 responses to “No Real Goals”
I see absolutely nothing wrong with a plan for Awesomeness. You’ll figure out the things along the way to make that happen, as you’ve done before.
“Is it enough to have the main purpose of your life to just…sort of be as awesome as you can be? To do what you like to do and be with whom you want to be with and just sort of keep going? As much as you can?”
Honey, this is so much more than what some people ever manage to achieve. Being the best person you can be is more meaningful than a house or any other arbitrary goal.
You don’t need goals, you just need to keep being you :)
Haha, I love that your goal so far is to keep being awesome. That’s a great goal! I think you should stick with it. Plus it makes for a pretty punchy, high impact five year plan.
What Megan said. Also, if more people in the world thought like you and chose to live like that the world would be a much better place.
I usually don’t do this kind of comment, but: me too! I never had career aspirations or big plans other than do cool stuff and be a decent person. I think I am achieving both, but sometimes I do think I need to add something. I did buy a house, but no plans for kids. Heck, I won’t even get a dog, though I can work up to that. So sometimes I feel a little “so now what?” and I think sometimes the answer is, this is it. Make of it what you will. You can be awesome or not, but really most of like is just one foot in front of another.
I do still want to be in a rock band, though.
As you know, Being Awesome is something I constantly strive for and sometimes achieve. I do have some specific goals though. They are all related to circus. So, perhaps not the conventional “grownup” goals one is supposed to have? Does a circus goal classify as a “goal” or simply as part of “Being Awesome”?
Yes, well, and that’s a beautiful plan because it will absolutely come to pass, without fail. Well done!