Things I Always Forget About Miami

Ants! Ants, ants, ants. Everywhere you go, all different shapes and sizes and colors (excluding, so far, fire ants, thank heavens). Spraying vinegar directly upon them does not faze them one bit, nor, worryingly, does accidentally microwaving them.

Sweating in a tank top, at night, outside.

Ibis and snowy egrets head-down in the grassy road dividers and in the dumpsters.

Moros y maduros.

What’s that you feel, on your arm? AN ANT? How about on your foot? ALSO AN ANT?

Kreyol over the loudspeakers at the airport.

That blonde at the supermarket with the super tight skinny jeans, expert highlights, gold cell phone and see-through blouse? Mom of three kids in Catholic school uniforms.

Why are you yelling at me, ma’am, when all I did was call to ask when your office’s opening hours were?

No hipsters, so far. No goths.

Speaking only third grade Spanish = major liability.

You can kiss the hippy-dippy-kind-to-the-earth-and-also-your-armpits-deodorant-with-the-picture-of-the-pine-tree-in-the-sun-dappled-meadow on it goodbye right now.

No matter how many times I scroll through the radio stations, there is no KEXP. Single tear, every time.

Ants in my bed. ANTS IN MY BED!

Commonly seen roadkill: raccoons, possums, iguanas, land crabs. Cuban anoles and monitor lizards, if you count what the cat, literally, drags in.

The whish and hush of the wind through the palms at night.

Bread goes in the fridge.

Saving power and being ecologically aware means using either the air conditioning or the ceiling fans—not both!

No one walks if they can help it—going to the store two blocks from my house the only other people on the streets were the hotel maids leaving work to catch the bus.

Sand on the tile floor from beach walks.

No one wears “technical gear.” No Tevas, Keens, or Danskos to be seen. Also, natural foods stores are thin on the ground.

Oh girl…seriously? Ants in my actual, physical, totally-not-kidding pants? Girl. Oh, girl.


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8 responses to “Things I Always Forget About Miami”

  1. Marcy Avatar
    Marcy

    KEXP has streaming audio (“Listen Live”) and podcasts for your iPod pleasure.

  2. Shay Avatar
    Shay

    Does not sound like your scene, my love. I wish you were in “some crappy apartment” here in Seattle, instead. But I am selfish like that.

  3. ginger Avatar
    ginger

    You didn’t refrigerate your bread here? We do. But that’s because otherwise I forget and put it on top of the fridge (“Little Miami”) so it’s out of the way. Then it blooms into glorious fluffy green mold in about twenty minutes.

  4. ladyloo Avatar

    Bread in the fridge! Of course! Four years in the sub-tropics and I never even considered it. Thank you!

  5. Chelsea Avatar

    Ants! Everywhere this year, even here in Missouri. Ants in my bed, but no pants ants, so extra points for you!

    Pants Ants would be an excellent name for a band.

  6. Steven Avatar
    Steven

    Eeewww… Ants in bed, AND ants in pants (are we talking pants as in trousers or pants as in underwear??) either way it isn’t going to be good…

    The only insect based torment we have here in the UK at the moment are Daddy Long Legs (Crane Fly) who are beginning to bumble about and generally cause people to edge away – or in some cases recoil in horror…

  7. Kim Avatar
    Kim

    I thought for sure you were going to mention Palmetto Bugs too. Tampa’s not *that* far from Miami and the bugs…do not miss that about Florida. Do not miss sweating in tank tops at night either. Nor hurricanes, and I’ve been on the phone with my Tampa friend nonstop worrying about Ike up until yesterday when we found out the poor people in Texas will be the ones dealing with the chaos this time. Damn hurricanes.

  8. Steff Z Avatar
    Steff Z

    OK, I made moros for dinner last night, from the recipe you linked to.

    Yum.
    And A also voted, several times, “really yummy.”

    But I think I put in too much pepper. Pretty great, though, for my first attempt at Cuban food. (Before now, I’ve had to go to Paseo to get it, oh darn.)
    So thanks!