There’s Bees All Over My Body

A Saturday night out in Wellington. Chiara is wearing a low-cut shirt and sparkly barrettes and is with a large passel of delightful and good-looking people in rather a swanky bar that is playing unfortunate electronic music.

Chiara [attempting to shake her well-endowed booty]: This is difficult.

Lovely New Friend: I don’t understand this music.

Gay Boyfriend: I don’t understand why I’m here.

Chiara: We need Justin.

Lovely New Friend: We need Shakira.

Gay Boyfriend: We need Beyonce.

Song: [for real, girl] THERE’S BEES ALL OVER MY BODY! THERE’S BEES ALL OVER MY BODY!

Chiara: Is he saying “There’s bees all over my body?”

Gay Boyfriend: Yes.

Inside Chiara’s Head: Who would have thought that the “covered in bees” bit would make it into a Saturday night when I’ve actually left the house and am not eating cookies in bed watching YouTube?

Song: THERE’S BEES ALL OVER MY BODY! THERE’S BEES ALL OVER MY BODY!

Gay Boyfriend: [waves hands around head as if shooing away bees] You know?

Chiara: [Pretends to put on beekeepers’ veil and hat, making sure to zip it securely]. Totally!

Song: THERE’S BEES ALL OVER MY BODY! THERE’S BEES ALL OVER MY BODY!

Chiara: Girl, we have GOT to get out of here.

Gay Boyfriend: [grinding all up on Chiara] I don’t know, I’m kind of getting into it.

Chiara: Is that why you’re grinding all up on me?

Gay Boyfriend: What can I say, girl, you got moves.

Chiara: [blushes]

Song: THERE’S BEES ALL OVER MY BODY! THERE’S BEES ALL OVER MY BODY!

Later, out on Courtenay Place, trying to find somewhere bee-free to go and dance.

Chiara: We need Justin.

Lovely New Friend: We need Shakira.

Gay Boyfriend: We need Beyonce.

Justin: [from inside a horrid, horrid sports bar] I JUST WANT TO LOVE YOU BABY.

Chiara: Justin!

Lovely New Friend: Justin!

Gay Boyfriend: Justin! Go! Go! GET IN THERE!

Chiara: What?

Gay Boyfriend: Go!

Chiara: Are you sure?

Lovely New Friend: It doesn’t matter! We’ll just dance! It’s fine!

Chiara: Eeeeeeeee.

Gay Boyfriend: We are guaranteed to be the best dancers in there, girl!

Chiara: That is so true.

Sneaky Sound System: I SAW A UFO BUT NOBODY BELIEVED ME.

Chiara: [funky dance moves]

Lovely New Friend: [owning the floor]

Gay Boyfriend: [knows all the words to every song]

Sign A Woman Is Still Holding, Inside The Bar, After Tonight’s Game Between Wellington Phoenix and LA Galaxy: SPOON ME DAVID

Chiara’s Ass: [grabbed in a menacing manner on the way to the bathroom]

The Darkness: I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE.

Everyone Else In The Bar: [air guitar and headbanging]

The Night: [officially over]