On The Case

Wednesday I spent the afternoon with my beautiful friend Giulia, who made me fusilli with ragu for lunch and immediately got on the phone to everyone she knew when she heard about my job visa situation thing. By the end of our four hours together I was on the phone myself with one of her friends, who promised to send my CV to her manager over at Stats New Zealand.

“You’ll be happy to hear,” I emailed my mom the other day, “that the Italians are on the case.”

“Well that’s a relief,” she wrote back.

It true, all my friends, of all nationalities, have swung into action since I texted and emailed them all the other day to say that, hey, hi, it looks like I didn’t get that job I was pretty much positive I was going to get and, um, I might be leaving at the end of the month. I’ve been sending CVs out to friends’ bosses and friends’ bosses’ partners, calling everyone I can think of to tell them I need help with this…with this situation. I have to say it’s been really nice for my ego to get all these people going “Nooooooo!’ when I tell them what’s going on, and it’s super humbling to realize that I do have a community here, and that this community is willing to put themselves out to try to keep me here. You can see why I want to stay.

So I’ve been going to lunches and emailing and making phone calls, everything you do when you try to get a job, and thinking about parties I want to go to next month and bands I’d like to see this summer, being introduced to (thanks to the Italians, of course) a new pizza place, and generally doing my thing. I’m having people over for dinner later this evening and going to the Atomic night over at San Francisco Bathhouse. Normal stuff. Except I am also starting to do things like get some clothes together to take to the op shops and trying to eat down all my staple foods I have in the pantry and planning an itinerary for the South Island (kayaking in Abel Tasman, Golden Bay, and Milford Sound, I think) and the North Island (Waitomo Caves, Bay Of Islands, diving at the Poor Knights and the Northland, probably) and emailing people back in the States saying that, yeah, I might need a job there, too.

You may not be surprised to hear, then, that I have been absolutely insane this last couple of days, with the emotional ups and downs. My paper journal is all “I just have to go with whatever happens” and then “NO NO NO I HAVE TO STAY RIGHT HERE IN THIS ROOM IN THIS HOUSE IN THIS CITY IN THESE YOGA PANTS” and then back to “I am trying to accept that whatever happens will be the right thing,” and inside my head I’m all “Oh, Aotearoa!” and I only want to listen to Kiwi music and watch Kiwi TV, which is more of a challenge than you’d think, and all in all it’s pretty exhausting. Tuesday after I really understood what was going on I bought seventeen dollars worth of movie lollies and went to see Eagle Vs. Shark, which is set partly right here in Wellington (“Is that…Manners Mall?” I hissed at my friend David) and which made me think about what it would (will?) be like to see it, to hear the accents, to see the footage of the beach and hills, somewhere other than here. Actually, it made me think about what it would (will?) be like to live anywhere other than here. I am having a hard time imagining it.

I have no idea how it happened, how this became my home. I only meant it to be something new that I would do for a little while, you know?

“I’m balancing,” I emailed my mom, “precariously between hope and, like, reality.”

“I am very proud of you for giving it your all to get what you know you want,” she responded. “Why should you give up before absolutely necessary – there is still time.”

So it’s not absolutely necessary, yet, and there is still time. There is still a little time.