Some Things People Shouted At Me Last Night At Cairns’ Worst, And Consequently Best, Dive Bar

“ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE NOT A LESBIAN?”

“WOW, SO YOU’RE ITALIAN, AND AMERICAN, AND YOU HAVE…HOW DO YOU CALL IT? GHETTO BOOTY!”

“I HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT AND I CAN SALSA DANCE. AMERICAN GIRLS LIKE THAT, RIGHT?”

“I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU GIRLS HAVE REALLY AMAZING BOTTOMS.”

“SO, WHEN YOU SAY YOU’RE STRAIGHT, WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT MEAN?”

“ON NE RENCONTRE JAMAIS DES AMERICAINS QUI PEUVENT PARLER UN AUTRE LANGUE QU’ANGLAIS! TU ES SUR QUE TO N’AS PAS FAMILLE EN FRANCE?”

“WAIT…YOU’RE DANCING LIKE THAT AND YOU’RE NOT DRUNK?”

“SO CAN I GET A LAP DANCE?”

“YOU KNOW WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE A FILTHY WHORE FOR THAT JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE SONG? YOUR ACCENT MAKES IT SOUND SO HOT.”

“I AM LOVING YOUR WORK IN THAT BOOB TUBE.”

“IT’S ONE OF THE RULES OF THIS PLACE THAT YOU HAVE TO DANCE ON THE TABLES. I’M COMPLETELY SERIOUS.”

“IS THAT BRUISE FROM THAT FLYING BEER BOTTLE?”

“BY THE END OF THE NIGHT IF YOU HAVEN’T KISSED A GIRL, COME TO ME ME OR MY GIRLFRIEND. WE’LL KISS YOU!”

“HEY, YOU’RE A BELLYDANCER, RIGHT? RIGHT? A BELLYDANCER? RIGHT? BECAUSE THIS SONG IS ABOUT A BELLYDANCER! YOU’RE A BELLYDANCER, RIGHT? RIGHT?”

“I’M FROM MEMPHIS! I’M FROM MEMPHIS!”


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11 responses to “Some Things People Shouted At Me Last Night At Cairns’ Worst, And Consequently Best, Dive Bar”

  1. Sylvia Avatar

    Also: BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

  2. Krisanne Avatar

    So what you’re saying is you didn’t have any fun at all? :D

  3. Marcy Avatar
    Marcy

    Girl, you have the best time clubbing. I can’t wait until you can take me out dancing. Not that I’ll get action like you, but I’ll just bask in your glory.

  4. heather Avatar
    heather

    tell me you did at least a little smooching with someone last night, yes? clearly, you were on fire.

  5. Renee Avatar
    Renee

    So, were these things all shouted at you by strangers?

  6. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Well, things are sure looking up! You make me laugh. Glad you’re having a great time.

  7. Dawn Avatar

    That sounds like the best bad bar night ever.

  8. Anna K Avatar
    Anna K

    Can *I* get a lap dance?

  9. ginger Avatar
    ginger

    So, what would success as a dive bar look like to you?

    I THINK THIS IS PROBABLY IT!

    I am jealous….

  10. redzils Avatar

    I believe my favorite is: “โ€œI AM LOVING YOUR WORK IN THAT BOOB TUBE.โ€

    Good job.

  11. Steven Avatar
    Steven

    Hmmm… Prime “sloppy makeout” windows of opportunity there I think… Tell me you didn’t miss them all!!!