Everybody, everybody, everybody I know is thinking about love lately, if by “love” you mean romance, or attraction, or desperation, or sex, or giddiness, or sadness, or heartbreak, or solitude, or any combination thereof. Everybody. The reason I know this, the entire contents of all my friends’ heads at all times, is because they all want to talk to me about pretty much nothing else.
If they’re not starting with a new boyfriend, they’re starting with a new girlfriend, or they’re finally telling someone how they really feel, or they’re learning about what really makes their partner tick. If they’re not full-on breaking up they’re deciding to close some doors so that others can open, and sometimes they’re seeing that some doors have a lot of twisty turns and tunnels and the occasional steep staircase behind them. If they’re not embracing singledom with newfound vigor they’re deciding to finally turn off the gas underneath the back burner once and for all. If they’re not making out lavishly in public they’re…well, they’re making out lavishly in public some more, maybe after a time out for a snack break. No one of my acquaintance, it seems, is not pre-occupied by the delicious vicissitudes of matters of the heart.
Truth be told, I’ve been totally egging everyone on because I love talking about this stuff. One of my favorite roles to play is Sadder-But-Wiser-Tell-It-Like-It-Is-er to the person who’s having a rough go of it. “GIRL,” I will intone, meaningfully, usually raising my eyebrows in a manner that suggests I will have no truck with any fiddle-faddle. “Girl, that boy is NOT RIGHT. You are fantastic and wonderful and you really rock that shirt you’re wearing today and clearly you DESERVE BETTER. This has GOT to STOP or you will be EVEN CRAZIER and what will you do THEN?” The person in question (regardless of gender, I will almost certainly be calling him or her “girl,” with eyebrows aplenty) will hang her or his head and go, sniffling slightly, “You’re right, I know you’re right. It’s just that she…I mean, she’s just really…you don’t know…” and then I cut them off with a stern glance and a furrowed brow. “Girl, PLEASE,” I will say. Firmly, but not unkindly. “Girl, I TOTALLY know. And regardless of what I, Chiara, personally know, YOU have GOT to STOP and that is THE LAW.”
Or if it’s all springtime and puppies and rose petals laid out in a path to the bed, I adopt more of a winky Ah-Love’s-Young-Dream! kind of a tack. “Ooooh, girl,” I’ll say, grinning and raising the eyebrows again. “Wherever you’ve been, it must be somewhere good because just look at you!” And then the person will try to play it all cool, like, “Yeah, I was…he’s…I don’t know, we’re just being really casual, taking it slow. Seeing where it goes.” Eyebrows, and maybe a skeptical Mmm Hmm sound on my part. “I mean, he’s awesome, he’s amazing, and…yeah…I just…okay, can I just tell you this one thing he did?” and that’s the rest of the hour we’ve allotted for lunch right there.
I just think this sort of thing is really compelling—I’ve always thought that it’s our relationships with others that really define our humanity and it’s pretty fascinating to watch other people become more human in this certain type (or, well, types) of relationship. You really get to see sides of your friends that you might not have known were there before, you see them at their best and worst, often simultaneously. It’s amazing how many emotions we as people experience, like really the full range, all in this one area in life. And actually, now that I think about it, love isn’t just one area of life, it’s every area of life, right? And so inherently interesting.
I’m not really part of this whole love-is-in-the-air thing. I’m pretty detached, lately, feeling very much like an outside observer, as much as I enjoy the dish. I have a hard time imagining being on the other side of those conversations, even though I actually was so, relatively recently even, so I know it’s, like, possible. It just doesn’t…seem like me. Right now the love-sex-romance thing seems like something other people do, and that I talk about. Back in the early 00s when I was sort of a shrink, I used to notice (with quite a bit of chagrin) that I would very calmly make the very same observations and propound the very same solutions to my clients that I could have used to great effect in what then passed for my love life, had I had two brain cells to run together at the time. It’s way easier…I don’t know if you’ve noticed…to figure out everyone else’s life than your own, to raise your eyebrows on someone else’s behalf. I guess I’m dealing with that little figment of cognitive dissonance by just not having much to figure out at the moment. It’s very easy with me: no drama, no heartache, no worries.
But also: none of that insane sugar shock ultimately alive feeling that comes with having someone on your radar, the heightened sense of awareness and the feeling that the day does not have enough hours for you to adequately proclaim your infatuation. Which is why I’m fine with everyone wanting to talk to me about their crazy love business, because I sort of want to keep in practice, a little. I don’t want to atrophy completely, you know?
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8 responses to “Love Is In The Air”
Glad we’ve all got collective clearance to talk about this crazy love business – I’ll be awaiting my “Girl, you should totally do x,y,z” talk (either by mail or phonecall).. You may have to provide moral support during the trip if I start whinging about how I miss people..
I _love_ this entry. I wish I could be as candid on my site, I wish I could write all the things that pass through my head, all the things I overthink. But. I. Can’t.
Just as an aside, I’ve been reading your blog regularly ever since I learnt through sundrymourning that you were coming to NZ. It has been so refreshing to see my own country through the eyes of someone who finds it new and exciting. It’s a bit of a wake up call to help me not only appreciate all the wonder and beauty of Aotearoa, but also just the little things in life. I’m travelling soon (just for a month mind you) and I’m determined to put on my rose-coloured glasses and absolutely soak in everything that comes my way, just as you have.
These blog things, they really can affect those who read them huh? Good job you.
I used to notice (with quite a bit of chagrin) that I would very calmly make the very same observations and propound the very same solutions to my clients that I could have used to great effect in what then passed for my love life
I don’t think this is just coincidence, though. At least in my experience, I tend to use counseling other people as a chance to say all the things to them that I wish I could say to myself. Even if the advice is only marginally relevant. Like, “The pilot light in my stove has gone out, and I need to cook dinner!” / “Well, have you thought about just telling her what you really need to be happy?”
It is always, always easier to figure out someone else’s life than your own, because you’re not involved in it. There’s no, “but, see, sometimes he’s really fantastic” to deal with in someone else’s life, you know? Or it’s a lot easier to tell someone that they need to look past that than it is to actually do it. Emotional distance and whatnot.
GIRL, doesn’t have to be someone particular on your radar. Just turn your dimmer switch up a knotch and put the world on your radar.
I think I fall into the aforementioned lavish category. and perhaps a bit of the vigor.
If by new love, you mean, “baby who absorbs all energy and time”, then yes, that is most of what I think about these days. If, on the other hand you mean valentine’s day, I’d have to say that sounds more like the day that Matt is working late, I’m working, and I’ll get to spend some quality time with his mom and my baby.
I’ve always thought that it’s our relationships with others that really define our humanity and it’s pretty fascinating to watch other people become more human in this certain type (or, well, types) of relationship.
This is a very profound observation! My husband says that he was a robot before he met me.
Cheers!
I thought love was only in the air in Springtime. You crazy Southern Hemispherians!