Best Halloween Ever

and you have pretty much the best Halloween ever, my friends.

I also recommend going Axl Rose shopping at the Hot Topic on Capitol Hill (“Pleather pants, dude!”), going to see The Dudley Manlove Quartet at the Tractor, and dancing with a beautiful blonde dressed as a seventies’ cop a la the Sabotage video, complete with horrifying-yet-strangely-compelling-pornstache. I must caution against wearing three-inch heels with your cephalopod hat, though, if you haven’t worn any for at least five years and if you want to be able to walk without tears at any point during the night. Be prepared to deal with drunken women dancing with your, uh, tentacles, and accept all the compliments you will doubtless receive (“Wow, what are you? An octopus?”) with grace, and you cannot fail to have a thoroughly excellent time.