The thing is, I said to her, the thing is that you can’t tell people that you don’t think you’ll ever fall in love again or even date or do anything with anyone ever again. People think you’re fishing for a compliment, like they’re supposed to go “Oh GIRL what do you MEAN of COURSE you will find LOVE you just have to put yourself OUT THERE.” And that’s not the point at all.
But what is the point?
Well, the point is that, you know, maybe I won’t. I’m not trying to run myself down or anything…really!..but it’s a statistical probability, right, like some people just don’t have partners no matter what they do, no matter how much they put themselves out there and maybe I am just one of those people. Through no fault of my own. Maybe there’s just not enough to go around.
Hmm, she said. Well, I don’t know about that. I mean, there’s a lot of love in the world. There just is. And people meet and fall in love and get married and do all that every day. If we’re talking probability, it’s probably way more probable…whoa, that’s a difficult sentence…anyway, it’s maybe more likely that you’re among the people who will be partnered at some point in your life.
Well, okay, except I was partnered for five years and now I’m not and maybe that was my part in the statistics of the whole thing. I don’t know. It’s dumb to even talk about this.
I still think there’s someone out there for you.
Yeah, maybe. Who knows.
I think you have a lot to offer. I mean, hell, you have a steady job and a feather boa, that’s more than a lot of people can say. I’d totally date you.
Thanks, sugar, I said. I’d totally date you too. I don’t know, though, it seems like there has to be someone who wants whatever I have to offer. It’s not all about me…aren’t you shocked to hear those words come out of my mouth? Heh. But, like, I could be the most fantastic thing since Pez dispensers and if there’s no one who wants that, well, I’m in the same boat, functionally speaking, as if I were not, in fact, the greatest thing since Pez dispensers. I think in the end it’s just easier to stay single.
I don’t think anything to do with relationships…having them or not having them…is easy. You make deals with yourself and with other people regardless and a lot of the time you can’t predict where you’ll end up. But that’s true for most things.
Yeah.
Oh, and before I forget: “GIRL! You just got to BELIEVE! There is someone OUT THERE FOR YOU but you have to WANT it and LOVE WILL FIND A WAY!! You just have to GET OUT OF YOUR PAJAMAS and get yourself OUT THERE!”