You Are Just Not That Bright

This journal is one of the best and most positive things in my life, since I started it almost three years ago. I’ve learned a lot through writing it, much of it from the people who have been good enough to write me on occasion to share their reactions to what I write. A lot of the time I get email along the “Me too!” lines and I can’t adequately express how strengthening that is to me, especially in times of trouble. It’s been wonderful to know that there are people out there in the world, reading my silly words and connecting to them somehow and then taking the extra step to let me know about our connection. I sometimes have an image of a thin fine net stretched over the world, made up of all the people I know who have touched my life, and it’s wonderful to feel that there are so many more components to that web since I started writing here. That’s such a gift to me, and I am so grateful to everyone who has ever written me with the goal of connection and dialogue in mind.

Every now and then, though, someone will write me an email of such stunning potency and striking clarity that I am forced to re-evaluate the way I think about almost everything. Through their considerate synthesis of the meaning and function of what I write, these folks expand my understanding of my secret prejudices and errors of thinking, which, I need hardly add, are manifold. I am even more grateful to the people who take time out of their days to open up new areas of thought for me, because who am I, really? A stranger with a website, sharing her opinions with the world.

This morning I received one such email, in response to yesterday’s entry about my grief concerning the results of the elections. I don’t know how the writer managed to plumb the depths of my soul the way he did, but the email is so powerfully intuitive about my inner reality that it’s really made me pause. I want to share it here, just as it was sent to me and including my reactions to various turns of phrase, for the edification of everyone who reads this journal. I think there are some lessons to be learned from it for all of us. I’ll warn you now that some of what this person has to say may challenge some of your deeply held beliefs as well. I hope it’s as useful to you as it has been to me.

Hello Chiara,

I’m writing in response to the question you posed yesterday after Senator Kerry gave his concession speech.

“But in my heart I guess it boils down to just plain not understanding. I just don’t understand how the country could elect (both by the electoral college and the popular vote) this person for another four years, knowing what we know about Iraq and the economy and civil rights and all the rest of it. I really must live in a bubble because I honestly don’t get it and I know one of my election promises is to try to get it. Can someone explain?”

I think I can explain it to you, Chiara. But it won’t be something you’ll want to hear.

Uh oh. Well, fire away. And thanks for taking the time to write!

First, let me say that I’ve been reading your journal for over six months now. And I’ve also gone back at various times and read a lot of your previous entries. In the process I’ve learned a lot about you.

That makes sense, what with your having read my journal for six months and reading a lot of my previous entries. As everyone knows, the person revealed in an online journal is an absolutely faithful representation of the person writing it, with no distortions, exaggerations, or outright lies on the part of the writer. Every single aspect of the writer’s true persona is accurately portrayed in minute detail to the anonymous reader of the journal. So I don’t doubt you have indeed learned a lot about me, namely the fact that I am actually a forty-four year old bald man named Larry. I work in insurance.

One of these things is, you have a talent for writing, but are wasting it on journal writing. That is clearly your option.

I’m honored you believe I have talent, and sorry that I have wasted it, and potentially your time, in using it to write a journal you have been reading for six months.

Another thing, more to the point in getting to your plea for an explantaion, is this simple fact:

In our society, in our country, we have a history of assuming everyone is equal. Which is nonsense of course. We are not equal in any sense of the word. We have different social classes, just as we have inherent differences in our own individual make-up. And it’s these individual characteristics that are at issue here. Specifically, those regarding how smart we all are.

Most people assume if they aren’t stupid, than they must be as bright as the next fellow. Especially if theye have passed muster on our societal measures of, if not average, than at least something approaching normal, by getting through high school, and college. But this too, is an illusion, brought about by our desire to believe we can all achieve anything we desire, if we’ll only put our minds to it.

The flaw here is, obvious, to those who are willing to open their eyes. Intelligience isn’t measured in school. Our ability to pass a course is no more a measure of our intellect, than is learning to belly dance.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I have to admit a double maya with a shimmy on top and the arms pretty much takes up all my brain power. I have to agree with you about intelligence not being measured in school, but I guess I’m not the person to talk to about that, as I’ve passed every course I’ve ever taken. But please, continue with your explantaion. How, in fact, is intelligience measured?

Intelligience is not rote memorization. Nor is it the ability to write or converse.

Okay. Not memorization, and not the ability to write or converse. Got it. What is it, though? I sure hope it’s not math-related.

Intelligience is about “understadning” what is presented. Especially when studying complex issues. It’s about having the ability to make connections where none are aparrent. To see what is not obvious. To see a little deeper than what lies on the surface.

This is a difficult idea for me to grasp. Intelligence as a complex, interlayered and multi-variable construct, requiring the use of deep insight and maybe even the dialectical model, as opposed to a starkly deterministic noncontextual categorization? Can you expand on this? Maybe using small words so that I’ll be sure to understand?

The direction I am heading here, is trying to point out in a gentle way, that not everyone is given the same number of I.Q. points at birth. That there are more than three notches on the brain scale: Stupid, Average or Bright

That there are true gradations.

So there are more than three types of people, based on the number of I.Q. points, which, as we all know, is an inarguable perspective on intelligence, what with it’s simple numerical scale and totally culturally unbiased calculation methodology, much like all standardized tests. See, I always thought there were just two types: bacon bits and croutons. But this is what I’m talking about, with the expanding of my consciousness: definitely more than two, and now even more than three notches on the brain scale, whatever that may be. I’m getting clearer now.

Please understand that I am not talking about Democrats, or Liberals here. I am talking about you, specifically.

Okay.

As I’ve said, I have been reading you for quite some time. And enjoying the things you have to say, and most especially, the cute and uniqe ways you say it. But the bottom line is, Chiarra, you are just not that bright.

That’s the problem?

That’s the problem. Not just in undersanding the current political climate, but in other areas as well. It’s clear this was an issue with your former boyfriend, even if it wasn’t stated as such. The underlying problem was, you simply weren’t able to understand why he was the way he was. And that’s an insurmountable obstacle. But only becasue you refuse to accept the truth about yourself.

So, my difficulty in understanding the political climate and the results of the election, and my place in that climate and relative to the results of that election, is related to my breakup? I think this makes a lot of sense, especially given all the detail I’ve gone into about it. I’ve been thinking for several months about writing an entry about some of the underlying issues there, because trust me folks, what you’ve read here is in no way the whole story. But now I see I don’t have to go through all the pain and regret of opening up my heart to my readership about the real reasons I broke up, because it’s intuitively obvious to the casual observer what the problem was…what, indeed, the problem is with my whole life: I’m just not that bright!

It’s sort of a relief, really, to finally know. I feel ridiculous now for spending all that time and effort on education and self-awareness, not to mention the therapy bills.

I’m not saying you are a stupid, or are a simpleton.

No, no, of course not.

I’m simply suggesting you might find life a shade less upsetting if you began to accept that you are just never going to be able to understand a lot of the things that go on in life.

Well, no argument there! Based on this construct, I see no reason to tax my slender mental resources with problems that are too complexly textured for me, do you? But one thing is bothering me: who can I use as a role model for this new take on life?

As an example. Take Joey. From the t.v. shows. Now, I’m not saying you are as simple as he is, but I think he can serve as nice way to illustrate my point.

Oh, thank goodness. See, I was afraid that you were going to just end the email there and not flesh everything out for me. I don’t have TV so I’m not as familiar with this “Joey” of whom you speak, so I’m sure you’ll be forgiving if I don’t grasp the concept immediately.

This character doesn’t concern himself with social justice, or run about demanding the world change for him. He doesn’t bemoan the fact that he has such a difficult time understanding what others seem to see so easily. He just is, who he is, without the expectations of reaching higher than he could ever possibly climb. And in the end, is much happier for it.

That sounds just dandy! This is brilliant! What I’m getting from this is that it’s not about trying to understand difficult concepts, it’s not about standing up for what you believe even if a situation seems hopeless, it’s not about having your own opinions. It’s not about transcendence or improvement, or being the best self you can be, or the hard work of growth and change and transformation, or the lessons learned from striving and failing, or self-efficacy or actualization. It’s about being happy! Yay!

I think you could be too. But that will take an acceptance of the facts. In your posting, you seem to find others inability to see your way, or you others, as somehow being crazy. As if mental illness can be equated with understanding. This once again demonstrates my point.

Again, the analysis here is almost frightening in its accuracy. I’ve been talking for a while about a fundamental flaw in my political thinking, that of living in a liberal bubble, and how that’s affected my understanding: negatively. I’ve had a hard time internalizing some of the political rhetoric with which I don’t agree. Something that helped me yesterday, when I was so unhappy about the disappointment of the dearly held hopes I cherished, was reading the words of many different people of many different political and social affiliations and coming to the conclusion…which was not so bright, I now see…that people on the other side of the aisle from me, so to speak, cherish their hopes just as deeply as I cherish mine. And the math worked out…again, bear with me because you know I’m not so good at math…that more people voted on Tuesday with a different set of ideals and values than those who share some of the ones I hold. It’s that simple, right? And you know, if I strain every fiber, I can almost, almost see that maybe all of us, regardless of political affiliation, all of us maybe have the same basic hopes for our lives. It seems that there’s a lot of disagreement, though, on how best to realize those hopes for our lives, and certainly about the role of government in that process.

You see, yesterday I was worried that an administration whose values seem to jibe with my own so little might not be completely devoted to upholding my rights. I was especially concerned about the dominance of a single political party in the workings of our government because I thought that might possibly lessen the dialogue between different groups of people with different opinions. My understanding of the policy enacted by this administration…I’d been going on the assumption that the administration wasn’t very interested, based on its track record, in things that matter to me…made me wish for a wider base of influence and understanding in government. I wanted some assurance that there would be someone in power who could sympathize with my own issues and represent my interests as well.

And then I thought, well, no one is going to make a change for you, girl, so you better get on it your ownself. I researched local volunteer opportunities for a while and then made the decision to keep advocating, on both the micro and macro levels, for my rights and for the promulgation of the values I hold dear, even if no one else holds them dear. I decided to try to enhance my understanding as much as possible (although now we see that there’s not much I can do about that, what with my not being so bright, tee hee!) and to come to my own conclusions about the issues that are important to me personally, as well as those that I think are important for the rest of the world. I decided I would always make an effort to vociferously oppose legislation with which I disagree, and to wholeheartedly support that with which I do agree, through the donation of my time and money. I decided that in addition to making my voice heard I would do my best to listen to the voices of others. I decided I would embrace community in all its aspects, that I would love the world as hard as I could even when I feel the world doesn’t love me back, and that I would try to live my values every day.

But now I see there was no need to get into all that, because you, with a razor-sharp acuity based on a thorough reading of my online journal over the past six months, have cut to the heart of my situation. You pushed aside all my meaningless ditherings about my worries about the world, about my sadness regarding the loss of the love of my life, about my difficulties with empathy and understanding, and you were able to bring it all together in a single, blinding illumination: I’m just not that bright. I should just concentrate on the wasting of my writing talent, perhaps, on my little online journal, and on not trying to reach above the fixed and limited amount of IQ points I was allotted at birth. I should stop trying for my own little bit of greatness. I should, in short, just shut up.

You are not crazy Chiarra.

Oh, but I am.

You are just a girl in the world.

Yeah, well, that’s all that you’ll let me be.

Not stupid, but several yards from bright.

So, if I may clarify, intelligence is measured in yardage? What’s the distance between “not stupid” and “bright”? Fifteen, twenty feet perhaps? Couple of miles? Please understand, I’m not questioning your thoughtful analysis of my intelligence quotient, I’m just trying to comprehend. You know how hard that is for me, being eighteen and a half inches from brightness.

You are who you are. An adorable woman, who by all rights should have been endowed with a “truly dizzying intellect.” But that didn’t happen.

I have to tell you, this is absolutely the first time in my life that someone has valued my looks over my intellect or personality. It’s just as fulfilling as I always dreamed.

It is sad. But sadder still, would be living out the rest of your life, dueling with windmills, and cursing the rest of humanity in the process.I truly believe, with your kind heart, and imeasureable charm that you can lead a very happy life.

And that is why I have written you today..

This is why I am so grateful to you for breaking it down, because prior to receiving this email I had thought that the worst thing would be to be complacent, to go along with prevailing norms even when I don’t agree with them. I’d previously held the belief that the saddest thing would be letting my heart die…but again, this is where I’m grateful, because you’re telling me that it doesn’t matter! I shouldn’t worry my adorable woman head about it!

So, I hope this e-mail will be accepted with an open mind, and heart, and not hurt and anger.

I have only tried to help you.

I hope I have.

Oh, you have. You really, really have. First of all, I think you’re right for putting all the responsibility for my response to this letter squarely on my shoulders, because you’ve said nothing that a rational thinking person…I mean, as far (several yards) as I would know…could object to. I mean, you read my journal (for six months!), you came to a well-thought-out conclusion to the problems I was sharing on it, and you wrote me an email that was so crisply authoritative in its penetrating thesis concerning the inherent cause of all my struggles on the political, social, and personal levels that the cut-diamond brilliance of the writing style you displayed was almost overshadowed. And you, out of deep concern for me and my woes, reached out and sent this to me, with the slim, shining hope that I’d be able to escape the fog of befuddlement that surrounds me and accept it for the beacon of guidance it is. You were even kind enough to call me cute. I want to reassure you that there is no way anyone with a modicum of sense (although again, how would I know?) could find anything offensive about this missive. I’m humbled by your impulse to show me the heart of the matter, because I really was so confused. I’m not trying to get above my station or anything (tee hee!) but I think it’s made me a better person, just reading it. It’s that powerful.

In fact, now that I think about it, that’s the thing I love most about this email: the simple human compassion that breathes in every phrase. The unwillingness to jump to conclusions, the unyielding tolerance for variance in opinion, the refusal to condescend to someone who is so clearly yards away from his own truly dizzying intellect. Readers, I’ve shared this with you today with one purpose in mind: to allow you to consider that you too may just not be that bright. You too may be striving pointlessly for goals you’ll never reach, you too may be wasting your talent doing something you love. If this is true for you, as it so obviously is for me, then I exhort you to adhere to the values espoused in this email, as I plan to do from now on: Don’t make a fuss. Just try to be happy. You are just not that bright.