I’m going to DC tomorrow to visit Carl for the long weekend. He’s been there for the past two weeks for work and is planning to be there another three weeks. We’re planning to go to a bunch of museums and to eat a lot of good food and generally hang out together. Of the past three months we’ve seen each other for about three weeks, and not always in the best circumstances. It’s been good to have time away…because seriously, I love being a bachelor. I don’t know why I should feel so different when he’s gone because we don’t live together. Not like I’m cleaning up after him and nagging him about his socks on the floor, or whatever cohabitating couples do. It just feels different.
Anyway, I’ll spare you my thoughts on this relationship and on relationships in general (sorry, you need to invite me to a slumber party to be privy to those) but I will say that I’m feeling a little unmoored and untethered right now, and that that’s not an entirely bad thing. Things have been hard and scary with us for a while now and I’ve felt as though I couldn’t see my way clear to do anything. Couldn’t stay, couldn’t go, the whole thing. Gave new meaning to stagnation. I think I was growing algae. Bad scene.
So we took a couple of weeks off and that was fantastically helpful for my poor little head, not to mention my poor little heart. I felt like I sort of picked myself up and looked around and could see a little more clearly. And all of a sudden I decided to go to France. And Carl decided to go spend some time with his office in DC, in the hopes that that would help his head. And we had a nice dinner before he left and I kind of remembered why I like him and we’re both having very nice times on our opposite coasts. We’d talked about my coming out to visit when he decided to go out there for such a long time; every time he goes out there I always want to too but it’s never been a good time and I never have the money or I have to get ready for Stupid Burning Man (seriously, never again) and I think about that awesome squid all the time and how I’d love to see it with him and do all the other touristy things there are to do in DC, and how fun it would be just to have a weekend together, which is not something we’ve done very often lately.
So I’m going. I’ve got Monday off and the people with whom he’s staying have room for me and we got good tickets and I’m going. I think it’s going to be a good weekend, even though I am slightly trepidatious about it. I hope it will be. My girlfriend Dawnie told me I’m not allowed to freak out about The Relationship while I’m there, that I have to just enjoy being in a new city with a familiar face. Isn’t that good advice? I’m deciding, as of right this minute, not to borrow trouble and to worry about heartache and loneliness and unhappiness when they happen, but not a moment before, because you know it’s not like you can’t get some more heartache and loneliness and unhappiness down at the corner store on sale whenever you run out, right? Might as well try to be as loving as you can while you have the chance.