Fantasy Lives

A couple of different options I am currently considering:

1) I Am Extremely Successful At My Chosen Career, Whatever That May Be

I am the Assistant Director of the campus Women’s Center. Or a therapist in private practice with an established clientele. The chairwoman of the Board at a prestigious environmental non-profit. Doesn’t matter. I get this job serendipitously, without consciously seeking it out…I’ve been roped into going to a fundraiser with Carl, for example, and my conversation makes some CEO realize she could use a person like me on the team. Or I am invited to dinner by a friend who happens to know a famous psychologist who would love some help on her project…would I perhaps be interested? I demur, citing a lack of experience…”all I really would have to offer is enthusiasm…” I say shyly. “That’s what we need” crows the CEO. “When could you start?” All of a sudden I am wearing business casual to work (but cool business casual, you know…no khakis) and I carry a lovely leather tote instead of a dusty backpack. I go to conferences and meetings, all of which are held in cities I’d love to travel to anyway and which give me a nice per diem. I give talks and hold focus groups and express my opinions thoughtfully, with a wry sense of humor that instantly brings the room together. I speak passionately about my work, whether it’s community advocacy for the state’s disabled population, or the advantages of creating jobs in environmental work for homeless youth, or the need for more holistic mental health services. I get raises and promotions all the time, but I keep my head about it and am always grateful for the chance to do work about which I care deeply. I tell my boss that I owe her everything in my career, and she tells me she doesn’t know what she would do without me, and hints that if she has anything to say about it, I am on my way to the top, the very top. I have business cards and my own office with a door that closes. Office politics are unheard of at my institution and I do no busywork whatsoever. I totally make bank at this job.

2) I Am Kind of a Hippie

I work as a doula, wearing a pager so that my clients can get in touch with me at any time. I enjoy working with pregnant women and kids and get satisfaction from my work, mainly because I feel as though I’m making a difference without sacrificing my whole life to the corporate (or academic) grind. I make my own schedule and have plenty of time to myself, and manage to make a decent living. Nothing grandiose. A couple of years ago I managed to get it together financially enough to get a home loan through a local bank (no national chains for me) and I bought into a co-housing group. The house is small with funny plumbing, and it could certainly stand a paint job, but it’s right on the edge of the woods and I love working in the community garden. I have a bunch of herbs growing in my section of it, and there’s nothing better than picking stuff fresh out of the garden to use for dinner. I’m on the co-housing board this year and right now we’re trying to come up with some good childcare options for the group…are we going to have to incorporate as a child-care center and get certified or shall we just keep it informal, whoever signs up can be with the kids? I’m bellydancing twice a week and am trying to get into a performance troupe. I spend the entire weekend at Folklife. I’ve grown my hair out again, and have finally got to be proficient at knitting. I’m making hats for Christmas this year, making them for everyone I know. It’s going to be great. I’ve been cooking and baking more too; I hardly ever go out to eat anymore. I find it so much more satisfying to make stuff at home and listen to the radio or something. I have figured out how to “fold” when making a muffin recipe and now I am putting everything and anything into muffins: zucchini, apricots and cherries, chocolate. Bacon, even. That was an interesting experiment. I feel busy as a bee and happy in my little hive, waking up at a reasonable hour, working with my moms (sometimes I make baby hats), working in the garden. I’ve been going to Quaker meeting more often, and I’m starting to get what they mean by “centering down.” I’m becoming more politically active too. My life is flowing, there aren’t any harsh stops or starts. It’s all one piece, it’s all one thing.

3) I Am A Seattle Trophy Wife

I wasn’t looking to marry money by any means…I just happened to fall in love with a wonderful man who had made some very smart investment decisions and it just makes more sense for me not to work. I’ve got plenty going on, you should see my to-do list. We just finished remodeling the house on Queen Anne and that was no picnic, although I’m very pleased with the results. The bamboo floors are gorgeous and worth every penny and I think getting the radiant heating was a wise move too. The kitchen, of course, was the biggest job, but I couldn’t be happier with it. It’s huge! But not obnoxiously so, I don’t think. We do a lot of entertaining but on a very casual basis, so it’s nice to get everyone into the kitchen together. I’m hosting a supper club about once a month so that’s a great time to share recipes, and occasionally I’ll host a Northwest Harvest volunteer meeting here too, just to go over everything. It’s so nice to have all this space. We’re planning to travel as well: Costa Rica, Nepal, Sweden and Denmark. We want to do one of those nature cruises as well. We go out to eat just because we’ve heard interesting things about a new restaurant, we drive a Saab, we go to plays and movies all the time. The money is just there, all the time, nothing I have to worry about, nothing garish. I don’t have a closet full of Versace or anything, but I do appreciate good quality. I’m beginning to think about art as an investment.

4) I Am Very Very Arty

My Spy Glasses are just the beginning, here. I have a day job but I spend most of my time thinking about writing, what I want to write, what I’m going to write, what I’ve written already and how I can write more, better. I wear black boots a lot. I stay up late, my brain fizzing with ideas for a one-act play, for an exhibition of women’s art from Tibet (I would have to go there to collect it), for spoken work declaimed from the Aurora Bridge during rush hour. For a short film about the history of reality television, starting with The Real World…I guess that would make it more of a documentary? When the band’s lead singer quit I got to take over some of the songs just so we could continue practicing while we found someone new, and I think we’re going in some interesting directions. I wanted to play the drums because of Some Kind of Wonderful but now singing seems to be the way to go, and now I hear music when I write…I haven’t written poetry for years but all of a sudden there it is, except in song form. The rest of the band likes my new stuff and I think we’re going to play one of my songs at our next gig. Rumor has it that there’s some interest from the independent labels. My little jewelry business is going pretty well too; my friends act as free advertising and lately I’m getting more requests than I can handle. I’m thinking of setting up a commercial website and maybe going just half time at my job so I can take more orders and drum up a following. There’s so much to do, every week it feels like I stumble onto something else. I’m getting by on very little sleep, it’s just all pure adrenaline. Every time I leave the house I see a new possibility for something I can do or make or shape or build. Every time I go out, every time I get together with even one friend, it’s as though we are volatile chemicals, reacting to each other in new and strange ways, scribbling on napkins and planning the takeover of the world.


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