So Much Nothing

I’m finding it difficult to write lately. I have no idea why. Well, okay, I do have a little bit of an idea why: it’s the classic journaller’s conundrum of Not Much Going On Yet Simultaneously, Lots Of Stuff Going On, Except In The Latter Case, “Stuff” Refers To Stuff I’d Rather Not Talk About Online, But, You Know, Give Me A Call If You Want To Know The Details. Yeah, that classic conundrum, the one all the hipsters are talking about.

Aaaaanyway. Let’s catalogue some minutiae, shall we? Of course everyone knows about the Oakland Public Library thing that Pamie has spearheaded. I was guilted (in a good way!) in to donating What Should I DoWith My Life?, which I know I have mentioned here before but dang if I can find exactly where. I read it a while ago and liked it a lot, and emailed Pamie that I liked its, and I quote, “non-Oprah quality, “ whereupon she responded, rightly, that Po Bronson has, indeed, actually been on Oprah. Okay then. Still a good book, Oprah or no. I culled a whole bunch of books I’m not too wild about from my library to donate to my poor pathetic local branch…but I am evil, you know, and have no sense of charity, and so now I’m thinking I might sell them instead. Do you think it’s ever okay to get rid of your books? I have a couple that I just read once and have never looked into again…I am a consummate re-reader, my friends…I like to really get to know my books, you know? I feel weird sometimes getting rid of books, if only because I like the way my built in bookshelves (how I love them!) look when crammed to the gills. But still, you know. The libraries need us. Seattle Public libraries sure do, as they have to close completely down two weeks a year because they have no money. Of course, I could use a little money too. No, no, you’re right. You’re right. I’ll donate them. This week. I’ll finally get off my ass and get rid of all those ill-fitting business casual stuff and give it to Dress For Success. If only they didn’t make you iron the stuff before you give it to them. And then go to Target to buy more hangers because they only want stuff on hangers. But it doesn’t matter, you are right, I will donate. Okay? Happy now?

Oh, but guess what? Guess what what what? I’ve sucked it up and bought Oryx and Crake, Margaret Atwood’s new book. In hardback. I totally didn’t know that she had another one out when I went to the bookstore the other day, but there it was with its freaky freaky cover. And you know what was next to it? A little sign saying “Margaret Atwood is coming to speak next Thursday and tickets are free and you should totally go, Chiara, because remember how you missed David Sedaris last year and you cried and cried?” So don’t call me Thursday night, ragazzi, unless you want to hear me gush. I might bring some flowers to throw at the stage, like she’s Morrissey or something. I am so excited for this…Margaret Atwood is one of my hands-down favorite writers of all time, and this book…you’re not going to laugh at me if I tell you the reason I ponied up for the hardcover is so I can actually understand what she’ll be talking about, right? I was going to get it from the library but it was “In Transit For Hold” or some such, so no go. That’s not so weird, getting the book so you understand the talk. Maybe it’s weird though to spend your Friday night burning through it, with all the lights in the house on because it’s sort of scary. Not in a Stephen King way, but in a hmm-I-can-see-how-this-dystopian-reality-could-and-by-all-signs-probably-will-happen way. The Handmaid’s Tale, which I just assume everyone has read, and which I happened to read (again) on the plane home from Tampa last weekend, is also dystopian, but it’s a really different scenario than the future Atwood posits in this new book. The focus is less global, though environmental disaster is part of both books. I don’t want to, like, give anything away, or anything. All I’ll say is that I think it’s really true that stories set in the future are really about the author’s present context, and that it’s very clear that The Handmaid’s Tale was written in the eighties and Oryx and Crake was written a couple of years ago. At any rate, I did burn through it Friday night, and I have it in my bag today as my bus book because I couldn’t stop thinking about it (and having nightmares about it, frankly), so I have to re-read it even though I just read it Friday. Make sense? I’m doing this with The Birthday of the World. I read it quite a while ago and then finally bought it a couple of months ago, and now I just keep going back to it. I read one of the stories a night, pretty much. Sometimes I will find that I have just read the entire book again without realizing it. It’s weird.

Well, obviously, I didn’t do a whole lot this weekend beside read and re-read, but I did manage to make it to the zoo yesterday with Carl. We went to a very passive aggressive brunch and then, since it was a gorgeous sunny day, unlike right now, might I add, we went to the zoo. On the way there I tried to use up some of my cell minutes by calling my mom and leaving a Mother’s Day message, and calling Marah and probably confusing her with my abnormally high spirits and wishing her a happy Mother’s Day, and then almost positively confusing Manya by leaving her a Mother’s Day message that was something like “Hey Manya it’s Chiara and I’m calling you because it’s Mother’s Day and you’re a mom now and hey guess what I’m going to the zoo to see baby tiger kitties and also I’m wearing the same skirt that I wore when I saw you and you had to feel me up because the baby threw up on me and also I have all these cell minutes so you know happy Mother’s Day gotta go g’bye!” I hate Voice Mail Diarrhea. I am the worst perpetrator I know. Sorry, Manya and Marah. Next time I’ll send a card.

The zoo was good. I saw a two-toed sloth for the first time, in the Nocturnal Exhibit, which is really the best part of the zoo, even if the baby tiger kitties had been on exhibit by the time we got there. They also had a bunch of fruit bats, which was very exciting. I also saw the brown bears for the first time…they were sleeping, and not, like disemboweling campers or anything, so they looked deceptively sweet and furry and nice. I kept wanting, irrationally, to sort of cuddle with one. I wanted to cuddle with the penguins too, despite Carl’s repeated assertions that penguins are not really all that cuddly. Saw a tapir. Saw a really funny looking bird called something like a Red Crested Screamer or something, that had the biggest feet I have ever seen on a bird. Saw a reticulated python and a poison arrow frog and a tarantula. Saw some cranes…the exhibit blurb said that cranes mate for life, and that something they do as a pair is “run around in circles, throwing sticks and grass into the air, which reaffirms their pair-bond.” Carl thought this was a great way to reaffirm the pair bond, and so threw his fountain pen in the air…I guess he was lacking sticks and grass…which promptly fell down a grate or something in the floor, and which was possibly the funniest thing I have seen ever. And then, then! After the zoo and the laughing, I came home and made the best thing ever (while talking to my mom on the phone, no less!). It’s like a pizza stuffed with roasted onions, shallots and garlic with balsamic vinegar and honey and butter and blue cheese. I had already had dinner by the time I made it, but that sure didn’t stop me from eating pretty much a whole nother dinner as soon as it came out of the oven. It’s from this month’s Cooking Light, which is a rather new discovery for me. I’m going to make it every week for the rest of my life, it was soooo good.

The weekend ended, for those of you still reading, with a screening of…Carl’s TV Show Of Famousness. Remember when I was all excited about this? Well. They finally sent us the video and we watched it last night. It was funny. Sort of. When it comes right down to it, there’s not a lot about a bunch of guys running around with cordless drills and safety goggles that makes for really scintillating, really engrossing TV, in my humble doesn’t-have-TV opinion. There’s just not. So they have all these explanation of what the teams are doing, and what kind of nails they’re using and what type of concrete, and all these silly graphics, and the most annoying host ever. Carl said that when they were actually doing the work, he’d come over (with the cameras) and ask dumb questions and get in the way, and so of course they show some of that. He goes up to one of the teams and says something assy like, “So, are you ever going to stop drawing on that whiteboard and get to work?” and the team goes “Uh huh” all the while shooting him looks of unmitigated hatred. It’s pretty funny. I don’t know if it’s meant to be though. It was mostly just great to see Carl on TV…yes, Carl! On TV!..and to hear him go, “But they didn’t even show the good part!” about various things. My team looked really good in their Carhartts and I was very proud of them. We still don’t know when or if it’s going to air, but if you happen to be watching the Discovery Channel in a couple of months and there’s a show called Pure Genius and you see a guy wearing a green shirt and a yellow vest? With goggles? That’s my famous boyfriend you’re looking at.