Saturday morning, Chiara and her flatties lay around the lounge discussing their respective Friday nights they wait for a load of firewood to arrive, which they will have to lug up four flights of muddy slippery steps if they want to stay even slightly warm for the next eighteen months of Wellington’s winter. Outside, it begins to rain.
CHIARA: …so, in conclusion, I think I’d much rather have a threesome with a nice gay couple instead of with, like, my boyfriend and some girl he’s sort of had his eye on and he figures this is a perfect time to tell me that either we sleep with her, like, right then and there, or he’s going to break up with me. You know? Like if I had to choose.
FLATMATE S: Me too! The gay couple I mean.
CHIARA: A dude gay couple.
FLATMATE S: Ohhhhhh…right. Oh well.
RAIN: I’m falling out of the sky right onto where you three girls will soon be putting sharp splintery wood into jute laundry bags and getting bruises all over you!
FLATMATE A: Your…boyfriend?
CHIARA: My imaginary boyfriend.
RAIN: I am beating against the windowpanes right now!
FLATMATE A: Your imaginary boyfriend.
CHIARA: Yeah. He exists ONLY IN MY MIND.
FLATMATE S: Well I don’t care where he exists, he sounds like a real arsehole!
CHIARA: I know! I mean, he knows I want to be imaginarily monogamous! And I’ve noticed he doesn’t really text or call me very much. I feel like he’s sort of not there for me, you know?
RAIN: I am still coming down! Boy am I wet and cold!
FLATMATE A: And I think it’s rather unchivalrous of him not to show up to help us with the wood.
FLATMATE S: Yeah!
CHIARA: I have to say I feel like I’m not getting much out of this imaginary relationship.
FLATMATE S: Well maybe you should imagine breaking up with him!
HAIL: Hello! Here I am!
FLATMATE A: I’m sure you can imagine yourself a much nicer boyfriend.
CHIARA: You think?
FLATMATE A: Of course you can.
FLATMATE S: Make sure to imagine someone really strong who will help us with the wood next time, okay?
RAIN: Enjoy catching a cold because of me and having plenty of time to write this silly post from your sneezy sore throat sickbed two days from now!