SHARK!

Apparently I want to write about nothing more than silly. conversations I’ve been having recently. So: Sunday night, and it’s time for Planet Earth, the best nature show in the history of nature shows.

Chiara: [sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, talking to herself] I very much enjoy footage of swaying kelp forests.

Chiara: [Dipping a ginger nut into her tea] I am also a fan of the sunflower seastar—that thing is tearing up those brittle stars.

Chiara: [wiping away a wee tear] Ah, octopus. My only love.

Chiara: My goodness, aren’t those playful fur seals delightful and enchant…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH SHARK SHARK SHARK! [yelling to housemate] Girl! Get in here, girl!

A: [running in from her room] What? What?

Chiara: SHARK! Hurry! Hurry!

A.: SHARK! What did I miss? Sorry I’m just wearing my cycle pants here!

Chiara: No worries! SHARK!

A: There is no way that’s real. That has got to be computer-generated. LOOK AT THAT THING.

Chiara: No! This is Attenborough we’re talking about! He will not lead us astray!

A: Wow. That’s crazy, eh. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE, SEAL!

Chiara: [covering eyes and peeking out between fingers] It’s too late! Poor seal. At least it was quick. I’m assuming.

A.: That shark is bad-ass. I love sharks.

Chiara: Oh man, can you imagine? If that shark fucking came up out of the water at you in slow motion like that?

A.: Yeah, mate, your surfboard’s not going to save you now.

Chiara: Oh, man. That was awesome. I love this show. We have to get the DVD player fixed so I can watch the other episodes.

A.: Turn it to the animal channel! I want more! I’m all into the animals now!

Chiara: Okay. Um, Discovery Channel?

A.: No, that’s World War II docos. Keep going. I think it’s channel 80.

Chiara: That looks like MTV.

A.: That looks like another WWII doco…wait! Snakes!

Chiara: Okay, native New Zealander, you have no experience with this sort of thing, so stay away from the snakes. Don’t do like that guy. Run AWAY.

A.: When I first went to Australia I was terrified that there were going to be snakes in the back yard and that they were going to kill me.

Chiara: Well, a lot of things in Australia do want to kill you.

A.: Yeah, but they’re not…oh, look, ants! ANTS!

Chiara: Yay! Ants!

A: That’s a lot of ants.

Chiara: Even the scorpions are running away from those ants.

A.: Daaaaaaaaaamn.

Chiara: Those ants want to fuck you up.

A.: Have there been any weird New Zealand insects that have surprised you?

Chiara: Well, the cave wetas were cool, and I’ve seen some cool snails…* but I grew up in South Florida and I’ve been to Costa Rica and seen stag beetles and one time I saw a guy eat a live katydid and then another time I found a nest of spiders behind my bed, so…no.

A.: Oh.

Chiara: We have fire ants at home, too.

A.: Like those?

Chiara: Yeah, but angrier. But these crazy Australian ants seem pretty mad, too, actually.

A.: It’s climbing onto the AntCam! It’s trying to kill the cameraman! We have to watch this sort of thing more often—it’s better than Predator Vs. Alien.

Chiara: Ha! Predator vs. Alien fears this sort of thing.

A.: My friend at work says that ants could take over the world, if they wanted.

Chiara: Well, according to the ants, they already have.

* I am totally aware that snails are not insects.

6 comments

  1. Ants outweigh people. But people outweigh sharks. I’m not sure if people and sharks together outweigh ants, but if we do, we must certainly try for some sort of alliance…

  2. Was the Shark stuff as good as the Killer Whale thing I showed you on Youtube? Remember, the Orca beaching itself trying to get the seals… I think you were half hiding behind your fingers at the time!!!

    Ants sooooo couldn’t take over the world, we have technology on our side so don’t need the help of the sharks… Can’t imagine a Great White flapping about on a beach somewhere being *that* much help actually!

  3. Actually, just watched the link – amazing slow-mo footage. That is one big animal to get itself completely out of the water!

  4. Planet Earth might be the best show on Television, EVER. If it doesn’t win every award ever made, I just have no hope for the entertainment industry.

  5. Oh my god! That was a…seal snuff film! [Shudder]

    So, snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef, huh?

  6. I bought the Planet Earth DVD box set (great price on Amaz0n) and it is totally worth every penny!