Let me tell you something, my friends, and that something is this: a year is nothing. Seattle people: you haven’t even noticed I’ve been gone, right? You still think we’re having dinner at the Hi-Life next Wednesday, right? Do you even know where you were a year ago? Are you slightly surprised every time you remember that it’s 2007, almost halfway to 2008? Are you still slightly surprised every time you remember that it’s not still 1999? A year: gone, boom, like that, nothing.
I’ve been in New Zealand just about nine months and all of a sudden a switch has flipped, a corner has been turned, and it’s time to start thinking about the future again. I feel like I just did this, that it was like a week and a half ago where I was all making to-do lists and spreadsheets and stressing about tickets and visas and connecting flights. I feel like it was maybe last Thursday that I was getting all emo about leaving Seattle, so it seems really unfair that I have to do it all over again, a year (nothing!) later.
I want to stay in Wellington until August 2008. That is a short sentence that requires a lot of long thoughts: I need a new job. I need a work visa since I’m too old to extend my working holiday. I need to make sure I can stay in this flat with my beloved A., with whom I had a rather emotional conversation last night that went something like this (at eleven o’ clock at night, when I had just watched House and The L Word and done a face mask and some desultory crunches during the commercial breaks and she had just come home from a fifteen-hour work day):
Chiara: I really like living here, girl.
A.: Girl, I know. I like having you here.
Chiara: I know! We were meant to be! It is so sad that it’s money that is tearing us apart.
A.: Girl, we will find a way.
Chiara: Our combination of good looks and brainpower will not fail us.
A.: I hope so, because I am really not looking forward to giving someone new an orientation to this house. The thing with the shelf in the shower.
Chiara: The thing with the top of the stove.
A.: The thing with the dryer…
Chiara: I know! The condensation!
A.: No one ever understands about the condensation! Why it’s important to leave the door open when the dryer’s on!
Chiara: Girl, I understand about the condensation. I understand about keeping the door open!
A: I know!
I have to start paying my student loans again in July. I have to get new travel insurance. I have to be out of the country by August 7th or I will get deported. I also have to have a week’s holiday with my lovely friend Lydia in the South Island in June, where we plan to look at albatross and go kayaking and visit a chocolate factory. I also have to go to Australia for six weeks starting in July, not only to avoid the deportation thing but also to get dive certified on the Great Barrier Reef and to visit some wallabies. And then I have to come back to Wellington and not be able to work, and try to find work…and if I can’t, if I can’t find work, then I will have to go back to the States. It will be either in four months or in eighteen months, I have no idea which.
One of the nice things about having a brain that never shuts up, ever, is that it’s useful for planning so while I’ve been devoting a lot of time and energy to absolutely freaking out and writing my mom long emails going MOM MOM HELP MOM ITS ALL GOING TO END IN TEARS MOM PLEASE ADVISE I’ve also been trying to get on the job thing. Right now I am in very preliminary negotiations with this one place that I like a lot that also likes me. In fact we all like each other so much that it’s less like negotiating and more like dating. I asked the job out on a date and we had a great time, and then the job asked me out on another date and we had a great time again and we even sort of made out at the end a little bit, but I didn’t go past second base because I am looking for a commitment.
I have talked to this job about my feelings. “Look,” I’ve said, looking down bashfully and scuffing my feet in the dirt. “I…just…I just really like you, okay? And I think this could go somewhere, if you’re willing to take the risk.” And the job has taken both my hands in its hands and brought them to its lips, and taken a deep breath, and said “Yeah, I know. And I really like you, too, you know? And I want this to work, I really do. It’s just that…well…I don’t know if I’m ready to commit quite yet. I might be, after I have some discussions with the district health board and the ministry of health in early July. But until then…well, can’t we just kind of let this be whatever it is? You know, let it grow organically? I mean, I really care about you, and would love to keep you in the loop with any new developments.” And I’ve sort of smiled bravely and said “Yeah. Mmm. Okay, sure. I mean, I have to keep my options open, so I might start seeing other people, but…you’re the one I really want, okay? Just…know…that.” And the job has lowered its eyes to the ground and said in a low, strangled voice, “Oh, right. I mean, yeah. You have to do what you have to do. But we can…I mean… we can still make out right? And you’ll still come to the quarterly meeting?”
And! In addition to all this flirting with gainful employment, there is Australia to consider. Australia! A whole continent! When I was thinking so hard last year about coming to New Zealand, I never gave Australia a moment of my time. I had a great time when I went to Melbourne and have always planned to go back and visit Georgina there, but now all of a sudden I’m pricing flights to Cairns and thinking about rainforests and coral reefs and opera houses, and I don’t even know anything about Australia anyway, but I guess I’m going to learn quickly. Australia, a whole new country. That doesn’t even seem real.
It’s all a bit unreal-seeming, at the moment. It’s hard to believe that I’m not in the middle of my Big OE anymore, that I’m not just putting my real life on hold while I jaunt off to the Southern Hemisphere to find myself or whatever, that this is where I actually live. Now I’m thinking of living here another year, crossing all my fingers and toes to be able to, and who knows what will come after that: where I will go or where I will stay.
Comments
14 responses to “Gone, Like That, Nothing”
Girl, I am keeping all of my fingers and toes crossed that you find a situation that will let you stay in Wellington for another year. It has been SO GOOD for you, I’d hate to see it end before you’re ready for that. Plus, I haven’t been able to come visit yet, so you HAVE to stay longer!
Is there any way you can apply for dual citizenship?? Keeping my fingers crossed for you. :)
I want you to STAY! Lord, why can’t Chiara stay until she’s ready to move to her next destination?
Not that you weren’t pure creativity before your jaunt across the pond, it’s just that I think that your creativity has become more refined and more pronounced whilst living yonder. That’s what I say. But I’m just another blogstress judging another blogstress. I hope you can stay another 18-er so that you can just create and create and create s’more.
I knew this would happen! As a former “I’ll just move there for one year” girl myself, I know that 1 year really = Introductory Period, and the year can’t possibly START until after you have found things like Favorite Coffee Shop, Reliable Dry Cleaner, Shoe Guy, Hair Stylist, etc…after 2 or three years, THEN one year can begin!
Sorry to disappoint, but it feels like a gazillion years since you left. Renee was over to sew yesterday, and I popped in the “Chiara Mixed Tape” you made me, and we commented about how we miss you, and it sucks that you might stay away another year.
But you know I will love you and support you in whatever you decide to do, and our friendship will be waiting for a big hug and a cider and a bellydance Gathering at the beach when you finally do return to us.
That was a quick year, but I tell you what: even the Hi-Life knows you’re gone, because their menu right now is They miss you so much they are pretending lamb and kiwi constitute a whole cuisine. (Note: NZ probably does have its own cuisine, including but not limited to innovative combinations of kiwi, lamb, and Hell Pizza, but I am not convinced the Hi-Life knows what it is.)
Nonetheless, I know for sure that there will be a good place for you here whether you come back in four, eighteen or thirty-six months. Do what you gotta – we miss you, but we’re tough.
” Damn it.
nine months ALREADY? i remember when you first let me in on the secret plan…wasn’t that just the other day? lordy.
Bzzzt, sorry. The 11 weeks I was in Germany felt like an eternity and it feels like forever since we’ve seen you. But I’m glad you’re having a good time. :)
Hey Chiara, time for me to ‘fess up that I’ve found your blog and have become addicted to reading your marvellous storytelling. Also, this is how I got your email address. Hope not to freak you out!
Molly is SO RIGHT (as always!). Look at me — thought I’d be here for six months and now, EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS LATER, I’ve lived here longer than anywhere else in my entire life.
Hope you get to do what you want, sweetie.
Do all you can to stay in Wellington – apart from the sucky weather ( which I don;t think you have relaly suffered from yet) it is the best city in New Zealand. I like to read your blopg because you talk about so many of the places that I used to go to on a regular basis – it makes me homesick!
I spent six weeks in New Zealand in 1989. We bicycled many parts of the North Island, half of the South Island and ended up in Christchurch. [Is the Wizard still around?]
Our plans originally included 10 days in Sydney, but before we left the North Island, we had changed our tickets and stayed.
It must be something in the air that makes people want to stay in New Zealand as long as possible.