Thank You Notes

To all the people who let me scream into the phone during The Personal Incident: Thanks for allowing me to give full vent to my decibel range. You didn’t know I could be so loud, did you. Oh, you did? Okay. Thanks anyway.

To my mom: Thanks for that talk in Kalamazoo, and for bringing me a ham sandwich on Cuban bread every single time you pick me up at the airport. And you know, for giving me life and not throwing me off a pier at the age of fourteen and everything.

To my new box of Country Save laundry detergent: Thanks for not making me and my clothes smell like a dead baby bird heated up in the microwave and drizzled with a reduction sauce of radioactive sewage, unlike some other laundry soaps I could name.

To Target: Thanks for letting me return that bottle of awful, awful laundry soap last night and accepting “Because it FREAKED ME OUT!” as a viable reason therefor.

To the ABL, in advance: Thanks for letting me come over this weekend!

To bellydance class: Thanks for kicking my ass in the most lovely and delicious way possible. Also, thanks for making me look at the costuming websites all day every day and daydream about coin bras.

To my job: Thanks for existing, and for understanding that sometimes I need to look at coin bras online.

To Netflix: Thank you for giving my life meaning, purpose and structure.

To The Office: Thank you for Tim. Thank you, thank you, thank you for Tim.

To Josh Marshall: Thanks for being my make-believe babydaddy. You are so hot when you talk about the Istook Amendment and Tom DeLay the way you have been lately. Thanks for assuming your readers are as smart as you are.

To Burt’s Bee’s lipbalm: Thanks for keeping my lips on my face where they belong and not shredded in a heap somewhere. In fact, thanks also for making that pretty shimmery lipgloss in Raisin, as it is the only makeup I wear, ever, and it makes me feel like a grown up lady when I do.

To the hot chocolate place around the corner from my house: Thank you for giving my life meaning, purpose and structure.

To my flannel sheets: Thanks for keeping me warm at night. Clearly, you are the only things interested in doing so at the moment and I appreciate your support. Also that you are purple.

To Kozy Shack Rice Pudding: Thank you for being so easily eatable with a spoon, right out of the tub at midnight with the refrigerator door open. Also for taking to cinnamon and raisins so perfectly. I understand that you have a sibling on the way in the form of Dulce de Leche Pudding. I predict we will become close.

To Ashley, in advance: For deciding to move to London, when clearly what I needed to do this holiday season was visit you and stay in your house. In London! London London London!

To Crystal Palace Splash yarn: Thanks for being the hardest yarn ever to knit with. Also, thanks for all the random comments I got on the bus this morning from that guy sitting in front me, including: “That looks like emu feathers!”

To everyone who reads this journal: Thank you for giving my life meaning, purpose and structure.

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