Hostile Home

Last night, in my living room:

Chiara: (to J) So, are we having the Holiday Party or not?

J: I don’t know. Ask C.

Chiara: Hey, C? Can we come in?

C: [from behind closed door] No, I’m getting ready to go out.

Chiara: Aw, come on! Just a little peek?

C: NO.

Chiara: Man, I thought the whole thing about having female roommates was that there would be hot naked girls around.

C: Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that…

Chiara: So should I stop lounging around naked on the couch?

C: [opening the door] Okay.

Chiara: Okay. So, Holiday Party?

C: Yeah, totally. Are you guys still into it?

J: When’s it going to be again?

C: The fourth, right?

J: What day is that?

C: Saturday.

Chiara: Because I’m going to London the next weekend.


Chiara: Why, because I’m going to London the next weekend?

C: You SUCK.

Chiara: Just because I’m going to London the next weekend?

C: [obscene finger gesture from a pristine girl]

Chiara: Okay, okay. I’ll stop mentioning that I’m going to London the next weekend, since it seems to upset you that I’m going to London the next weekend.

J: Because here’s the thing.

Chiara: Uh oh.

J: My cousin? Desmond? Is having a poker party.

Chiara: She says her cousin is having a poker party.

C: That’s real nice.

J: And I don’t want to go.

Chiara: She doesn’t want to go!

C: And the problem is…

J: Well, M [her boyfriend] said we couldn’t go because we have something else to do that weekend.

C: Yeah, but did he make that up or is there really something you’re doing?

J: Well, the thing is, I don’t know.

C: I can’t find my keys! Where are my keys!

Chiara: C, we are being dissed in favor of an imaginary obligation on the part of M. Did you check your bag?

C: Yeah, I checked my bag.

Chiara: Fine, J, don’t come to our party. You’re not invited anyway.

J: I’m beginning to feel this is a hostile home!


C: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh, here they are! I have to go!

Chiara: Yeah, you better get out of our hostile home before something terrible happens! [to J]. You have to be here for our party. I want to have the DiscoBall Mistletoe.

J: Under the arch thing? [pointing to the arch thing that separates the first living room from the second living room which is now sort of the dining room now that we have a nice table and chairs that J. There is a little mini discoball hanging from the arch thing].

Chiara: Yeah, I was going to put some mistletoe on it and then there would be a sign that said “Discoball Mistletoe” and anyone who was caught beneath it would have to either do a dance move or would have to smooch. That would be so cool. You have to be there.

J: Wanna do yoga?

[We did an hour of a very funny yoga video. I did two hours of bellydance on Monday instead of my usual one and I was already pretty sore. I think I did all right though, with that video. I couldn’t do tree pose though. And then when we were done J made me do crunches.]

[After that I lay on the floor and she sat on the purple futon and we talked about boys for a while and I came pretty close to tears a couple of times there.]

Chiara I kind of have to pee.

J: Me too. I didn’t want to say anything though.

Chiara: I know, we’re all talking deeply and it’s a little awkward.

J: I didn’t want to interrupt.

Chiara: Okay, BREAK!

[a few moments pass]

J: It is freezing in this house! I am so cold!

Chiara: It’s even worse in my room.

J: Hostile home! Hostile home!

Comments are closed.