The One True Wig

Last night, at Display and Costume with my friend Katherine and her brother. The brother is graduating from college on Saturday and just got a very unfortunate haircut and was looking for a hat to cover it up. We have moved, slowly but inexorably, away from Hats and closer to Wigs. I see a couple of guys trying on wigs.

Chiara: Oh man. I just had to come over and tell you that that is the greatest wig ever and you need to buy it. I was over there in Hats and I saw that on you and I just had to come over and tell you: buy that wig. [That wig I linked to isn’t really the real wig; the real wig was much cooler and not so clich餠and it had very good highlights on it, but it gives you an idea. You’ll just have to come to my house and we’ll go to Display and Costume and I’ll show it to you. You’ll love it.]

Wig Guy: Really?

Wig Guy’s Boyfriend: See?

Wig Guy: You don’t think it’s too much?

Chiara: No, dude. What you need to do is get that wig and then wear it in to work tomorrow, but you have to play it totally deadpan, like that’s your real hair, and just go up to someone and be all, ‘Yeah, hey, do you have that thing I asked you for?’ and act like it’s not even a thing. Do it!

Wig Guy’s Boyfriend: A total stranger is saying this to you. It is clearly a sign.

Chiara: Clearly a sign.

Katherine and Her Brother: [open-mouthed horror expressions at Chiara’s having this discussion with a couple of strangers]

Wig Guy: [sighing] I don’t know. It is pretty cool though. Especially considering I’m bald. [momentarily takes off wig to prove baldness].

Wig Guy’s Boyfriend: But that makes it even better.

Chiara: Totally. I think that may even be your One True Wig. You know how you have your One True Karaoke Song?

Wig Guy and Wig Guy’s Boyfriend: [nod].

Chiara: Well, I think this is like that. Everyone has their One True Wig, the wig that is for them and them alone, and we’re all looking for our One True Wig in some part of our hearts, and this is yours, and you have found it.

Wig Guy’s Boyfriend: There could be a whole website devoted to this, helping people find their wigs.

Chiara: onetruewig.com. We’d make millions.

Chiara, Wig Guy, and Wig Guy’s Boyfriend: [stroke chins, stare into middle distance, consider business opportunities.]

Wig Guy: [taking off his One True Wig]. Well, I don’t know. I’m going to think about it for a while. You all have a nice evening.

Chiara: [aside, to Wig Guy’s Boyfriend] Work on him!

Wig Guy’s Boyfriend: Oh, I will.

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