My neck! My back! My shoulders! Ow! yes, friends, Chiara had a session with a personal trainer. last night. I’m shocked myself. Not really my thing, you understand. I’m not so much about the reps but more about the shimmy and the basic Egyptian and then some more shimmy, and I like to do it with a big red skirt and dangly earrings, what’s more.
Carl has this friend Craig, who has this brother Ross. Ross is a personal trainer guy at the aptly named Outrageously Fit. Ross has borrowed some camping stuff from Carl’s “gear library” from time to time and wanted to thank Carl in some way, and so offered him a couple of hours of his professional time. I’m not so sure anymore how I got hooked into this, but suffice it to say that yesterday in the pouring down rain we made it somehow over to Ballard and found the place and sat down on some gigantic rubber balls and were ready to get fit. Or something.
Now, let me tell you something about Ross. He’s totally cool and funny and smart, and is totally a pimp daddy. He made us laugh the entire time we were there, except for when we were crying because the exercises he made us do were so hard. I’m not a gym veteran or anything…obviously…and so don’t have much to go on, but my experience with personal trainers has been on a spectrum of Blah to Gross, Man. I hate it when they wear big cut out tank tops and I hate it when they look over your head when they explain the difficult mechanics behind riding a stationary bike. I always think they’re laughing at me secretly: “So, she thinks she can lose that ass? By half-heartedly doing crunches and the bikes? I don’t think so.”
Well, not so Ross. First of all, he wears glasses and you know that people with glasses are instantly to be trusted. He was also wearing a fleece shirt and cargo pants, which let me know that he wasn’t going to laugh at the pajama pants I was wearing as work-out wear. I wasn’t going to go out and by a whole new wardrobe to do something I hate, you know? Secondly, Ross is, as abovementioned, very smart and very funny and very encouraging, which I’m guessing are professional bonuses for people in the personal training field, because who wants a personal trainer who’s all, “Mm hmm. Yeah. Lift those weights, or whatever. Whatever you want.” But it wasn’t smarmy, and plus he knows all about anatomy and different types of muscles and joints and everything you’d expect him to know about, and it was all very interesting, and did I mention he was really funny? And the best part was that the studio isn’t a gym in the sense that there are all these other people there, all gross sweaty guys grunting as they do leg presses, and prissy girls in full makeup staring at your pajama pants which keep getting caught in the elliptical trainer. It’s only people with their personal trainers, and sometimes a class, so it’s really small and personal and there’s enough big rubber balls for everyone. Ross says that’s the sign of a quality gym.
I’m starting to sound like a sales pitch here. Let’s get back to me, shall we? Okay, picture me in pajama pants and a stretchy top that I got for ten dollars at KAVU and white socks and my muddy trail runners that went for a little hike on Sunday. Ross talked to us a lot about how people exercise and what’s best for whom and so on, but the thing that really stuck with me was this, that the way you exercise in a gym really has nothing to do with how you use your body in the world. So it’s important to try to exercise as many muscle groups together as possible because, of course, that’s what we do in the world. He had us do this crazy weight-lifting where you balance on a ball on your stomach and then lift up to your shoulders, and then you balance on the ball facing up and do something bench-pressy, and then you lie on the floor and tilt your body up diagonally, which I knew how to do because we do it in bellydance, and then–again with the ball–he had us stand up against the wall with it at out low backs and do what I would have called deep plies but he called squats. Turns out I turn my feet out a lot and that I have a swayback. I kind of knew this already. Don’t worry though, Ross said I can fix it. In case you were concerned. This all took about three hours because Ross explained everything exhaustively. And now, seriously, I am so sore. I didn’t think that lifting five-pound weights while balancing on a ball could throw me so out of whack, but I guess that’s the whole point, isn’t it? That’s the whole reason I’m trying to get into better shape and be healthy.
The last thing we did was something called self myofascial release, which is really weird and sort of painful but curiously satisfying. I have to say I was glad to figure out what “myofascial” meant because I have to ask about “myofascial pain” in one of the studies I interview for at work, and I never know what it means, and I feel stupid when the person on the other end of the phone doesn’t know and when they ask me and I don’t know either. It means the connective tissue between your muscles, in case you’re wondering.
Anyway, so, you know those foam Wacky Noodles you get at the dimestore during the summer that are supposedly for the pool? We got something like that, except much bigger and stiffer, and then you’re supposed to roll yourself over them, like balance yourself on your hip and elbow with the bigger, stiffer wacky noodle (heh!) right on your saddlebag, and then kind of roll yourself over it, hitching with your elbow. It’s hard to explain, so I’ll just say it really hurts, but when you’re done your leg feels all loose. I’m sure we looked ridiculous doing this, but it really was interesting. And, to be fair, I’m sure we looked ridiculous doing all these exercises anyway.
So. So I’m thinking about trying (again) to be in better shape and to maintain that over my lifetime. I’m trying to like my body better and to treat it nicely and to take care of it, with the hope that it will take care of me as I get older…and I’ll tell you, nothing like working with diabetic amputees to motivate you in that area. I still want to bellydance, maybe even two classes a week next quarter, but it’s illuminating to think about other ways that I can work out and maybe even feel better. And, of course, this will be the perfect excuse to see Ross more often, who really was awesome in every way. Or, dare I say it…Ross-some.
Yeah. It’s okay. He flinched too when I said that.