Nothing to Say

Don’t you love it when journallers write an entry about how they have nothing to say? I’ve been doing that quite a bit in the last couple of days. I’m doing it today, but I guess “today of all days” or maybe “now more than ever” it’s especially ridiculous. There’s a lot of good writing out there today, a lot of heartfelt memories and wishes. This isn’t that.

I have been reading some news, and I have been thinking about the bombings. I’ve been having a lot of forbidden thoughts. I felt funny on the bus this morning. I remembered this day last year, feeling just hollowed out all that day (and the days afterward).

But I don’t, or can’t, or won’t, feel anything else. I don’t feel more patriotic. I don’t support the wars. I don’t want revenge. I don’t want to see the towers fall over and over again. I think a lot of the changes that everyone kept talking about “post-September 11” haven’t happened…except for some assualts on our civil liberties, that is. At least not to me. I don’t appreciate my neighbors any more, or feel more connected to my community, or anything. I guess I really did get back to normal, just like we were supposed to, and that’s sort of shameful, really.

But enough about that. See, I told you I didn’t have anything to say. My best wishes and sympathies to the people who lost people they loved in the attacks, and to everyone else who is feeling empty and scared and cynical and exhausted today. I hope you and the people you love are getting through this day, in whatever way is most meaningful to you.

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