A Day In The Life of the Unemployed

8:30 am: Roll on out of bed. Come on! Get up! Gotta get up! Can’t stay in bed all day!

8:40 am: No, really! Geeeeeeeet up!

9:05 am: Grumble. Half-assedly make bed. Think, “I have all day to make it.” Think that about the dishes, too. And the laundry.

9:30 am: Go down the basement and settle in to an office chair, just as though you were going to a job. Check email. Check the websites of all the various social services agencies you know about. Check your school email. Check The Brunching Shuttlecocks. Ha! That Lore Fitzgerald Sjoberg, he’s funny.

10:40 am: Grudgingly write a cover letter and print out your resume to send to Large Mental Health Agency for yet another position. You have already been rejected there twice. Handily cut and paste your cover letter from other cover letters you’ve written in the past…you have a fine assortment from which to choose, happily. Remove Spike the cat five or six times from the space in between your keyboard and your monitor, testily explaining that when she does that, you can’t see.

11:00 am: Mail has to go out!

12:00 noon: Go to the pool. Forego calling to see if they have your swimsuit in the lost and found. They do. Ew. Swim swim swim swim. Do kicking laps. Kick kick kick kick! Pretend you are a mermaid and dive deep underwater and kick your legs together as if you have a tail. Pretend you are swimming with dolphins. Your Friends Ashley and Thomas did that over Christmas in Islamorada. That sounds so cool.

1:30 pm Only credit card offers and the latest Fearless Flyer in the mail. Nope, no messages on the answering machine. Chicken rice soup for lunch.

2:25 pm Putter around. Make your bed slightly less half-assedly. “Man, my high school was full of kids like that Tenoch in Y Tu Mama Tambien. He was so hot. Kind of a jerk, but really hot. That was one damn sexy movie!” Fold your laundry, lost in thought.

3:30 pm: The cats come over to take a nap on the couch. Sit and read One Hundred Years of Solitude. Make that joke to yourself that one hundred years of solitude is, in fact, the amount of time it takes to finish the book. Your favorite part is when even a character in the book says she’s tired of everyone in the family having the same name.

4:30 pm Read some more.

5:30 pm Read some more.

6:30 pm Look up from book with a start and realize you have to get ready for bellydance. Quick! Where’s your sportsbra! Don’t forget your new zils! Don’t forget to get the cats off the couch!

9:35 pm: Feel great sense of accomplishment on the drive home…not only did you not get lost on either the way to or from class, you actually did something right today! You got the count right for the going-under-the-veil part of the dance! Maybe you are not worthless after all! Happily look forward to your shopping expedition with your dance teacher and your dance partner to get costumes. Think about being a full time bellydancer. Reject the idea because you are a little nervous for your first performance. Think about what you want to be when you grow up. Don’t come to any clear conclusions.

10:03 pm: Sneak into the basement office one more time to check email. Nothing. Read some forums. Look at pants online. Read a couple of journals. Google your name. Check email again. Nothing! Man!

11:20pm: Ask the cats come over to spend the night at your place. “Come on! Get in the door! Come on.” Give them some milk in a custard cup. Reflect that you are becoming your mother because the cats drink more of your milk than you do. Carry them both to your bed so they can read with you and feel rejected when they hiss and go sleep on the couch.

11:45 pm: Read some more.

12:30 am: Getting…sleepy. Full day…of…nothing much…tomorrow. Must…get…job…must turn…light…

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