I have to get a new design for this journal. Have to. I think the reason no one reads this is because it’s not pretty and there are no pictures of anything anywhere. Right? That’s the reason, right?
So a week or so ago I was going to write about this little thing that happened to me on the way home from work. Carl had picked me up and we were going to get showered and changed real quick before going out to a fancy dinner with some friends for this March Madness thing where you can go to a fancy restaurant that normally you could never afford and probably don’t have nice enough shoes to get into anyway. You get a “tasting menu” for something approximating a reasonable price for a dinner out, and it was actually pretty dim so I think my shoes went unnoticed. (They were black pull-on ankle boots from Simple, otherwise known as Shoes I Wear With My Business Casual).
So, The Scene: In Carl’s Volvo, aka Carlvo, heading north.
Chiara Okay, I can’t wear my new purple shirt because I wore that the last time we went out with Mark to a fancy dinner.
Carl Okay. We gotta get home fast. We have to be there at seven. It’s six-fifteen now.
Chiara I know! Hey, look at that bus. That’s the bus I would have been on had you not picked me up. Man, I hate the 73. Oh, look at the girls in the back seat. [They were facing backwards, “gesturing wildly” at the car behind them. You know how you do when you’re thirteen].
Carl Yeah. Heh.
The bus stops and then pulls in front of Carlvo.
Nose Pierced Girl [waves]
Chiara [That thing where you lift your chin and sort of raise your eyebrows and squint at the same time, as if to say, Hey Baby.]
Nose Pierced Girl [makes a smooch face]
Dyed hair Girl [Laughs and jabs NPG in the side].
Carl What are you doing?
DHG [mouths “Come on the bus with us!” fixing me with a sensual stare meant to ignite Chiara with desire]
Chiara [Points to Carl, shrugs shoulders sadly]
NPG [holds up three fingers, mouths “Threesome! Threesome!]
DHG [Laughs some more]
Chiara [Shakes head, holds up four fingers, points to Carl, mouths “Foursome!”]
NPG [Mouths “Okay!”]
Chiara [Makes “what the hell” face, pretends to ask Carl if he wants to get on the bus.
NPG [mouths something Chiara doesn’t understand]
Chiara Wait, what’s she saying? How does she even know about a threesome? What did she just say? [Mouths, “What?”]
DNG and NPG [Mouth “BABY! Do you have a baby?” while rocking arms as if, yes, holding a baby].
Chiara A baby! Oh, no, not a baby. [Mouths “No baby” while making no-way-man gesture].
DHG [Mouths “Get on the bus! Come on!” NPG starts to look a little scared]
Chiara [Mouths “Sure! Next stop!” And then, for some reason, she starts laughing uncontrollably and pretending as if she’s going to flash these girls. DHG starts pretending like she’s going to pull up her shirt, while NPG starts to look like she’s done with this game]
DHG [Mouths “Come on!”]
Chiara [Makes big belly gesture while shaking her head no]
DHG [Mouths, “Are you calling me fat?”]
Chiara Oh, no, she thinks I’m calling her fat! No, me! I’m fat! [Mouths, “No, me! I’m fat!”]
NPG [Mouths “Aw, no you’re not! You’re pretty!” while making ASL sign for “pretty”]
NPG [Mouths “Him too!” pointing at Carl.]
Chiara They think you’re pretty!
Carl Oh, good. Look, they’re getting off the bus.
Chiara Uh oh. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to make dinner. I may have another date. That was nice she called me pretty though!